I am the worst Tooth Fairy. Ever.

I am so completely in love with my two boys and I love making things special for them. I’m mean, I LOVE it. Holidays, birthdays, vacations… I want my boys to experience it all with the total extravagance they deserve. I am a FABULOUS Santa and I have been since Jackson’s first Christmas. Even when Jeremy had nothing to do with it or was on shift, I would be up in the middle of the night tip-toeing around… and then, when the boys got up, oh man. I am good. HOWEVER, I must have missed the chapter in my parent manual on how to be a Tooth Fairy. Because I SUCK at that.


When Jackson lost his first tooth in kindergarten, I was SO excited. He showed me after school and I screamed and made a big deal and made him show everyone. He even had the little treasure box with his tooth in it. I posted it all over myspace… I was one proud momma. I even thought of a plan to convince Jackson that there was a good reason the Tooth Fairy was NOT going to take his tooth (because I am sentimental like that). Jeremy was on shift and I told him that if the Tooth Fairy took his tooth then daddy wouldn’t get to see it (I don’t even think Jeremy saw it, or cared to see it for that matter, I just wanted his tooth to keep forever—quite gross if you really think about it). So he wrote the Tooth Fairy a note (all by himself):

Jackson woke up the next morning and the Tooth Fairy left NO money under his pillow, not even a reply to his note. He was heart broken. DANG IT! I FORGOT! It was my lazy, morning Mindi fault! Again, being the creative and intuitive mother that I am, I told him that a lot of kids must have lost teeth that day and she never made it around to our house. Sadly, he believed me. So, that night, he left the note under his pillow and the next morning… yep, you guessed it. I forgot again. OMG! How could I forget again?!? This was awful. Of course, I thought of something else… and really I can’t even remember what I told him. I think my brain has chosen to block out that memory of how much I under-performed. I was pathetic. Since that first tooth, I have been better, Jackson has lost like 8 teeth by now and I am pretty sure I have paid him for at least 5.

Grayson’s turn. After the stitches incident (blog to follow soon), it knocked one of Grayson’s bottom teeth loose. Seriously, that bad boy was loose for like 3 days. He had that thing out in no time. Again, he came to me after school, I made a big deal, I screamed, I made him show everyone, I made sure he didn’t loose his little treasure box tooth holder.

And of course, on the way home from school, we had the “put-your-tooth-under-your-pillow-so-you-can-get-money-talk”. Jeremy was on shift. Again. The next morning, none of us even mentioned the Tooth Fairy. Our mornings are usually spent RUNNING through the house grabbing our shoes and bags and the kids jumping in the car as I am pulling out of the driveway. We catch our breath on the way to school, not talk.

I realized, in the middle of the day, that I HAD FORGOTTEN AGAIN!!!! This seriously could not happen again. Grayson was gonna be my re-do kid. My chance at redeeming myself as the Tooth Fairy. I could not screw this up. I went home at lunch with the intention of putting money under his pillow. Apparently, hunger affects your short term memory and yep, I forgot. Again. I literally could bang my head against the wall repeatedly in frustration at MYSELF.

I am a problem-solver. Not much shakes me. So, when we went home afterschool, I fixed the boys a snack (ok, ok, they got their own snack as I dragged myself upstairs to change, but that sounded so much more “motherly”—me “fixing” them a snack). They settled downstairs on the XBOX and I made my move. I had two dollar bills in my hand as I went upstairs; I snuck into Jackson’s room and put the money under Grayson’s pillow (yes they sleep with each other—better with each other than with me). I went downstairs all proud of myself, shoulders back, head high and said “Hey Gray, did the Tooth Fairy leave you any money last night?” Wink, wink to self.

His eyes got huge, he jolted off the couch and ran upstairs. I was smiling inside, because I knew that I was about to make this kid feel magical and create a whimsical memory that he would remember forever. A couple minutes later I hear him mumbling something as he is coming back down the stairs. He comes around the corner with his head hung low. Shoulders slouched. Good feeling gone.

I said, “Grayson, what’s wrong????”

He held out his hand and said “She only left me my tooth.”

I’m pretty sure he called the Tooth Fairy a very ugly name under his breath at that point, too.

My heart stopped… WHAT? I looked under the pillow, there was no tooth! Where the H was it??? I said “Grayson, where WAS your tooth?”

“Under my pillow,” he said.

Starting to dawn on me… “WHICH pillow?” I asked.

To which he replied “My Diego pillow.”

CRAP. HIS Diego pillow. On HIS bed. In HIS room. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP.

Again, problem-solver-Mindi to the rescue. “Grayson, the Tooth Fairy puts money under the pillow that you are sleeping on!”

SCORE. He turns and runs back upstairs and a couple seconds later I hear the rumbling of his running feet and him screaming “Dollars! Dollars! I got dollars!”

Phew. In crisis mode, I am excellent. However, Tooth Fairy and crisis mode should be no where near the same sentence. I am the worst Tooth Fairy. Ever.